IFFY Situations - Part I

I received a comment/question about how to best handle spills when you are eating out. The question was specifically directed to eating suhi or sashimi, and the situation was described as follows:
You are having lunch or dinner with colleagues and maybe with your boss as well. You are using your japanese chopsticks, and when you are ready to eat your sashimi bite, it slips from the chopsticks, lands into your small dish of soy sauce and creates a splashing sensation where soy sauce is everywhere to find except inside the small sauce dish. Your clothes are stained, and hopefully your white blouse is the only one affected. This was the scenario given in the post.

So, what do you do?

There are a few important things to KNOW, no matter how bad the situation seems to be:

• While you are now the center of all attention, you don't want to further nurture this.
• This means, take care of the situation fast and be calm about it at all times.
• While you are uncomfortable, others may be too. You don't want to spread it further either. So, don't excuse yourself 10 times or tell the story over and over again once you're back at the office.
• Try to involve the least amount of people possible. You and the waiter will suffice.
• It is NOT the end of the world. It can happen to anyone. Calm down. You will survive.

You may want to use your napkin to help clean as much as possible, at the same time, signaling to the waiter to come. Ask the waiter for a new napkin, and expect the waiter to clean up your area (wipe it, replace plates, bowls etc). There is no need to announce "Oh, my goodness, I'm so clumsy! I'm sorry, everybody! Oh, my! Did I get it on you too? This is horrible!!". There is no need to say any of that. Excuse yourself from the table once and clean up a bit more in the restroom (make it quick). Come back to your clean seat, put on your jacket if you have one (by the way, your jacket should be on regardless), and continue with lunch/dinner as if nothing happened. There is no need to dwell on it and comment on what a horrific spilling you created. For the others accompanying you, nobody has to ask "Are you ok?" or "Did you get it all off?". The best way is to forget about it and keep on with lunch/dinner.

For the future, analyze the situation before you are even part of it:

• Order "easy food" when eating out with colleagues and managers, especially if you are not 100% familiar with the food and/or utensils.
• Dress for the occasion so that you are prepared. Avoid wearing light colors that can easily show stains or dirt.
• If you have a history of "spilling", be prepared and, yes, have a perfectly ironed shirt/blouse or another jacket at work or in your car.
• If it happens to a colleague, don't comment on it or ask questions like "Can I help?" and "Oh, here, take my napkin too!" (big no-no!). The person wants everybody to forget about it as soon as possible!

Bon apetit!

The Dating ABC

The Dating ABC can certainly be applied to relationships of all kinds, not necessarily just dating. Have a look!

Always smile
Be polite
Compliment with care
Don't try too hard
Expect reality
Find a common ground
Give in order to receive
Honor your own needs
I will keep an open mind
Jealousy - reevaluate it
Keep communicating
Listen carefully
Mind your manners
Never lie
Obstacles are normal
Persist if you believe
Quality is better than quantity
Resist temptation
Settle differences early on
Trade loneliness for companionship
Utilize your intuition
Visualize what you really want
Welcome change
X: Meet you at the X-roads
You can be happy
Zenith: achieve it in all senses

(c) 2009 INTERNATIONAL ETIQUETTE SOLUTIONS, INC.

The art of Eating-on-the-Go

Honestly, eating-on-the-go is not my preferred choice of dining.
First, let's get acquainted with three eating-on-the-go scenarios:

• You are driving, and in your cup holder you have your soda. With one hand you stir and drive, while the other hand holds your sandwich. The fries are nestled between your legs - Easy access.
• You are sitting at your desk (work!), and don't have time to take a lunch break. So, you strategically place your drink and plate/brown bag/Tupperware on your desk, so that you can work and eat without losing one second! - Efficiency
• You skipped breakfast and lunch because you weren't able to squeeze in any time for that, however, (thank goodness!) you have a cocktail party to go to tonight, and while you mingle and meet new people, you make sure to try all possible hors d'oeuvres, not forgetting the free drinks! - Excellent!

Why are these not my preferred ways of enjoying a meal? The simplest reason of all is: It's hard to ENJOY a meal this way. I love food, and I want to make time to enjoy the dining experience, whether at home, at work, or at a party.

The answer given by most people "I don't have time" reflects not the lack of time, but rather the choice made when allocating time and setting priorities. So, it's not really about not having time, but choosing to do something else instead with that time available.

The 1st scenario is a disaster waiting to happen! You may spill your drink on your clothes, your hands may slip and you may cause an accident. Instead of saving time, you can end up losing much more. Your food may fall on the ground and I just hope your phone doesn't ring! Your car will smell like food, and guess what?...so will you! Your rushed eating is not healthy nor safe or elegant.

The 2nd scenario sends mixed messages about your professionalism: Your efficiency at work should be reflected in your time management skills as well. You should have time to take a break and have lunch. If you are the boss, consider your subordinates' opinions on you eating at your desk. the bottom line is: If you consider yourself efficient, there should be time for a lunch break.

The 3rd scenario will not benefit your mingling abilities. You will have sticky fingers and too much to carry around while meeting and talking to people. Not to mention the possibility of food getting stuck in your teeth without you being aware of it. My suggestion is to reconsider it.

One of my future posts will be on restaurants rushing us to finish our meals and to get us out of there. Sounds crazy, but I'm sure most of us have experienced that before!

Others' perceptions of YOU

It is not a secret that we don't get a lot of time to make a first good impression. Also, it is no secret that we never really get a second chance in making a first good impression.

We need to understand that no matter how you want to be, live, dress and talk, it is not really about WHO you are, but about HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE you. Many people don't realize this crucial point, and are frustrated about their personal and business relationships. Human beings are drawn to those they feel they have something in common with, and this is why they say "it clicked". It applies to social and business interactions of all kinds.

When it "clicks" there are more than just positive, mutual sentiments being exchanged. You are able to establish great rapport with one another, and communication flows like you have known each other for a long time. The so-called chemistry is there, and you feel confident this is the right person. Whether for business, for friendship or for more personal relationships, humans looks for others who are like them. You want this association to happen continuously, and, of course, this is expected to be mutual. If it isn't, the relationship may start off "right", but will sooner or later drift into a confusing, blurry, unfriendly mess where one party/one person tries to control the other party/person, and frustration and disagreement arises in every little possible occasion.

If you want to be perceived a certain way, you need to dress the part, act the part, feel the part and moreover, you need to be consistent in your actions and beliefs. In order to feel confident and attract others who are "like you", take action. Go places that resemble your lifestyle, communicate more often, and nurture new relationships. Don't be afraid to start a conversation, and rather than talking about your thoughts and experiences, be a better listener.

Be careful about trying too hard and ending up communicating the opposite of what you actually desired. Nothing in excess is good, and we all know this. This happens when you forget to remain polite, considerate, friendly and, most definitely when you forget to smile.

It is important to able to make a first good impression. Not only will this allow you to advance socially and in your career, but it will also increase your level of self-confidence. By respecting and acknowledging social and business encounters, you are respecting yourself and are increasing your self-awareness.

Now, it is up to you to decide HOW you want to be perceived by others.

So, the napkin goes...there!

Hello, everyone!

Some of you took part in the poll about where to leave your napkin in case you need to excuse yourself from the dining table briefly (examples are if you need to take a very important call that cannot wait, or if you really need to go to the restroom).

Well, I must say opinions vary when it comes to the place your napkin should be left at. Some experts say the appropriate place is to the left of your plate. Some experts say it is on your seat.

Here are my insights:

Leaving it on the table, to the left of your plate: A (hopefully not so) dirty, used napkin looks like it "d.n.b." (does not belong) on a table where others are still dining. Depending on how much room there is for all people, your napkin might be too close to the other person's elbow and right hand.

Leaving it on the seat: Nobody will really see or be bothered by your napkin, so that is a good thing. On the other hand, we know the seat has been sat on by more than just yourself, and before sitting on this seat, you sat on other places as well. People regard this as a possible hygiene issue.

My personal solution is the following: I will leave it on the seat. In high-class establishments, you can maybe even receive a clean napkin by the time you return. If not, don't worry. Your napkin in usually large enough to be folded in 2. I use the inside of the napkin, and thus, my lips will not touch what the seat has touched. Crumbs will be there, so I am careful and simply try to avoid them as much as possible.

Also, another good hint: If you are going out on a special date, an important business dinner/lunch and are wearing dark pants, trousers or skirts, make a test at home to see if it will possibly pick up "napkin lint" easily! Like that, you will avoid walking out of the restaurant with a clearly visible lint patch on your pants/skirt! (most restaurants opt for white, off-white, ivory, champagne colored napkins, in addition to other light colors)

Bon apetit!