Do YOU do THIS? Please, don't!

A short post to remind you NOT to do these following things, EVER:

While talking to someone, DON'T text message or check e-mails on your phone, no matter how fast a typer you are or how quickly you want to browse your e-mails. If you MUST send/check a text message or e-mail, excuse yourself first, and then do it. You can't share attention even though you might think it's possible. No, it's rude and shows disrespect.

Avoid at all costs talking to others next to/around you while talking on the phone. I don't care if it's a pet, a baby, another friend, your spouse or someone on Skype. If we are speaking on the phone, I'm doing so for a reason, and I'll expect you to speak with me, and not share the time with others next to you while "I'm patiently waiting" and wondering why you are interrupting our conversation. Again, if you must talk to someone, a pet, a child, anybody else while talking on the phone, EXCUSE yourself 1st. It's about good manners and consideration.

Online bullying is a waste of time. If you have a problem with someone, please address it in person and put an end to the "drama". Why would you waste your time and your energy in being negative and achieving nothing, really? If you are the bullied one, move on by ignoring the comments. Bullying should only affect you if you actually believe some of it that is being said is actually true. For example, if someone tells me "I think your freckles are ugly!", it wouldn't affect me at all, because I know it's not true: I don't even have freckles!! ....just a note, I think freckles are actually a super nice touch!

Fast casual restaurants (Panera, Crispers, a mall's food court...) or fast-food restaurants require you to participate in the service encounter. You are to clean up after yourself, no matter what. Don't make a fool of yourself by leaving your table dirty and not pushing your chairs back in/under the table (if they move). If you spill something, wipe it or ask for help. You are a co-producer of the service encounter. Act smart!

Never pick your teeth/clean your teeth at the table. Reserve this personal moment for the restroom, please, even if you are dining alone. Also, don't use your tongue to "clean up" in there. If something is bothering you, excuse yourself and visit the restroom. Don't take too long, as you should always avoid leaving the table while dining with others.

Be a partner in your service encounter!

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about a few things front desk agents at a hotel go through emotionally and physically while working. It's not an easy job, and in my opinion, they are tremendously underpaid for the huge responsibility (that of providing excellent service and being the company's ambassador at all times, amongst other duties, of course.) they carry each and every day.

It is part of my wish to help customers and guests better understand their service provider, so that they too, can partner up in order to achieve a successful and very positive service encounter.

A customer service agent, whether sitting at a desk answering phone calls, helping customers exchange unwanted merchandise, checking guests in and out of a hotel or arranging dinner reservations "even if it is not his real job", constantly goes through emotion regulation.

In a negative scenario, emotion regulation will dictate how employees react to situations right there when they are interacting with their guest/customer. They have a choice of reacting in a fake way, a choice of retrieving from the negative encounter or a choice of deeply feeling what the customer is going through. Not all customer service agents act in the same way, and this may not even have to do with the company policies they abide to. It could be related to culture as well.

When customer service agents fake their feelings, they are "surface acting". They want to fix the situation, but don't really care deep inside. They could smile often and say empathetic things to ease the frustration of the guest ("I know how you feel, Mr. Schmidt..."), but they are faking because they don't feel the connection, may think the customer is exaggerating, have their thoughts set at something else, yet, this is their job. There is no authenticity in their smile. This frustrates the customer as well and is not "healthy" for the employee.

On the other hand, customer service agents who are well trained are able to engage in "deep acting", creating a strong connection with the feelings and frustrations the customer is feeling. The agent appears very authentic, because, in a way, the empathy feeling exists. They might not have gone through the same issue, yet, they are able to replay in their minds situations that have triggered them to feel very similar feelings and these feelings are brought alive through "deep acting". "Deep acting" is far more effective than "surface acting" when interacting with upset customers. And yes, it is what it is: acting with real feelings.

Don't think customer service agents are there just to do their jobs and act. Many of them have a true passion for serving others, and while sometimes they might not feel the emotional connection with an upset customer, they are able to regulate their emotions in a way to develop this common feeling and better deal with the situation. If you manage customer service agents, you are lucky to have true passionate employees on your team. They exist!

"Deep acting" has also shown to be a far better manager of burnout, absenteeism and job satisfaction for customer service employees.

Other employees simply avoid the situation and call their supervisor or manager, especially if they are not given a lot of autonomy on the job. This (lack of autonomy and avoidance), however, in my opinion, does not foster job satisfaction.

So, why do I write about this?
I believe that as part of a pleasant, effective interpersonal exchange, people need to better understand how their service providers work and think. What can you, as a customer, do with this information? Understand and regulate your emotions as well. Be a partner in the service encounter. Help the agent engage in "deep acting". It will pay off.

How do you engage in deep acting?
Recall a situation and re-live the feelings that were brought along with the situation. Pick a situation that suits the event. Is the customer really upset seeming very disappointed? When were you last so upset and disappointed that you promised yourself never to walk into that store again? Feel that feeling and apply it to the service encounter.

As a manager, look deeper into emotion regulation and "deep acting" for your employees. Be a transformational leader more than a "numbers and rules" leader.

Communication is so important, yet, we fail to acknowledge it and understand the dimensions that can make it more efficient and meaningful!

When your guests misbehave

First of all, I must say:
It is not your fault if your own guests misbehave at a restaurant. Unfortunately, we cannot be responsible for adults' actions.

Here is the setting:
The host invited a group of about 10 to have dinner at a friend's restaurant. She planned it with care and made sure all guests' needs could be met during dinner. One of the guests decided to invite 2 friends to attend as well. The hostess welcomed the additional guests, 2 ladies.
The restaurant: a Colombian owned restaurant, specializing in South-American cuisine, featuring Colombian music, decor and on that specific evening, also a late Karaoke entertainment event.
The guests: Some were of Hispanic descent and some were not. The 2 additional guests spoke English and no Spanish, and were not familiar with Colombian cuisine, atmosphere and the "Latin touch".

What happened:
Upon arrival (a rather late arrival), the 2 ladies approach the table, greet everybody, and start giggling and whispering to one another. After taking their seats, they decide to use the table's paper napkins to write notes and pass it around the table to some people (No, the ladies were not young teenagers. They could have been teenagers' mothers maybe). The hostess spots the behavior and actually gets to read one of the notes. It said: "WTF, all Spanish here?!"

The response:
The hostess felt embarrassed and very uncomfortable. The table was displaying a large amount of handwritten notes on paper napkins, and even the owner, once approaching the table to greet the guests, noticed the pile of written communication laying around.
The hostess made sure the 2 ladies had a menu with English translation and asked if they needed any suggestions. She tried accommodating their needs but their behavior was getting her really, really upset and embarrassed. She even apologized to her friend, the restaurant's owner.

My response:
A few days later, after hearing about the incident, I felt bad. It is so sad that adults can behave in such manner. I immediately told her "It is not your fault!. You can only feel sorry for them, as the event has passed and they ended up leaving a very bad impression on you, on the restaurant staff and other guests at the table."
What would you do in such a situation?
I would keep in mind they are my guests, but I would also keep in mind they are probably embarrassing themselves and others. The most appropriate response to this situation would be to address them, engage them in conversation, ASK them questions and offer help. Deviating their attention from their own actions could change their focus. If they see you reading one of the notes, you can diplomatically make a comment like "Oh, this must be your first time here! We admire the quality of service and of the food they serve. It's a great way to learn more about the Colombian culture. They are wonderful people!" Smile when you say that, be sincere, not snippy, and look them in the eyes. Your goal is to appease the situation, and not make it worse for anybody. You are the hostess, and as a hostess, sometimes, we have to deal with guests who misbehave. Unfortunately.

No matter what, always be a class-act!

Brushing up on Gift Giving Etiquette!

July - What an eventful and quite busy Summer month!

Let's talk about Gift Giving and Receiving!

Most people will say openly that giving evokes far better and more fulfilling feelings than receiving. For most, I believe this can actually be true. On the other hand, let's all be very honest with ourselves and admit that receiving gifts is also very, very nice! It makes us feel special, and most of us think so!

To be remembered by someone for a special occasion in our life is unforgettable. No matter the size of the gift, whether it's a handwritten card, flowers, a very expensive electronic device or delicious chocolates. Whether it's your favorite perfume, the last season of your favorite TV Drama or an inspirational book, when we receive and give a gift, 4 things are happening:

1. The person giving the gift to you is communicating to you how important you are to her/him.
2. The person giving the gift to you is silently saying "I invested time (and money) to get you something that I believe will bring you value and make you happy."
3. The person giving the gift to you is anxiously awaiting your reaction to the gift.
4. The receiver of the gift is accepting this material thing that is celebrating a friendship, an accomplishment or another important event and is agreeing that this exchange represents the caring coming from the gift giver.
5. The person receiving the gift feels special and cared for that the gift giver took time (and money) to spend it on you.
6. The receiver of the gift expresses a true or untrue opinion about the gift "Wow, I love it! Thanks!"

I strongly believe gifts can have the power of positively or negatively influencing a relationship.

The GIFT GIVER's Duties:

When choosing a gift, remember how the person dresses, what his/her daily life is like, where they work, and what people they are usually surrounded with or places they travelled to.

Choose a gift by recalling what the person likes to talk about. Is he a golfer or Sports fanatic? Is she into Politics and writing? Maybe he is a Musician and appreciates music from other countries. This is why it is also so important to LISTEN to people well when they tell you stories and share opinions. You learn a lot about their likes and dislikes.

Never, and I will repeat it again (I already even mentioned that in a previous post), ask the gift receiver "Do you like it? Oh, I think you don't like it...You can exchange it if you want to!.." You should NEVER have to ask and say that. You should offer to exchange the gift yourself if you bought the gift receiver a t-shirt, for example, that is a wrong size. Apologize and offer to exchange it yourself!

Avoid giving a gift card, unless the gift receiver has actually expressed his/her liking of gift cards. Gift cards may be interpreted as "Here is something for you. I didn't really have time to look for something for you, but with this card you can buy whatever you want." So, basically, you didn't give a gift. You paid for something the gift receiver chose.

The GIFT RECEIVER's Duties:

Immediately THANK the gift giver for the gift, WHETHER OR NOT you truly like it! I am sorry to say, but it would be the rudest thing to say "Oh, what the heck is that? I'm sorry, I don't even know what to do with this!!.." No comments.

Write a Thank You card (yes!) to the Gift Giver thanking him/her for the gift. You may want to write something like: "Dear Cathy, thank you so much for thinking about me on my special day! I love the new "Cool Blues" CD you gave me. I take it in my car with me, and my ride to work is much more enjoyable! Thank you! Cordially, your Cousin Laurie". Write a Thank You card when the gift giver is present giving you the gift and also when the gift giver is not present when you receive the gift.

Nowadays, with e-mail and text-messaging, personal phone calls are becoming rare, unfortunately. People claim not to have time. Personal phone calls are becoming special! So, give your gift giver a call to thank them for the gift in case you will be going out of town and will have not time for Thank You cards. I will insist that Thank You cards are the preferred option, and avoid e-mails or (even worse) text messaging. But, yes, I know we've all been in a situation where we find it too convenient not to e-mail or text messaging. Just keep in mind: Thank You cards are the best option. Avoid the rest. Be a class act!

Please, never re-gift the gift you received. In my opinion, this is a big No-No. Some people will tell you it is OK to do if you are very careful, but don't you feel bad abut it? I would! You can find good use for a gift that is, let's say, not really of your taste 100%. Just be creative!

Keep track of who gave you which gift, and if you are hosting a large event where many gifts are presented, designate a family member or good friend who is willing to help you create a list. It will come in VERY handy when you write your Thank You cards!

A month or two have passed since you received all your beautiful gifts and you STILL did not find any time to write your Thank You cards? Do it now! In my honest opinion, it is NOT too late. Again, be creative. Surprise the gift giver and write something like "Dear Eric, You will not believe how much I enjoyed using the backpack you gave me for my Birthday, on my camping trip this weekend! It is so useful, and it didn't leave my side. Thank you for this thoughtful gift that made all the difference and that I will put to great use in all my upcoming camping trips! Yours, Louise."

VERY IMPORTANT:

Note that some people prefer not to receive gifts. Or, to explain it better, gift giving and receiving may not truly be part of their culture. You should respect this, and not expect the person to jump up and down when you offer them your gift. In this case, keep it very simple. The last thing you want is to overwhelm the gift receiver. You may want to invite the person out to drinks or to lunch and dinner, instead of giving them a gift. You may want to call them on their Birthday or Graduation day, or other event and sincerely congratulate them, expressing kindness and happiness. Another great idea is to donate money to a charity this person strongly supports! This might be all they want. KNOW your gift receiver. This is key to a successful interpersonal exchange!

Your Front Desk Agent at the Hotel

Front Desk Agents have a hard job.

I dedicate this post to all those who currently work at a hotel's front desk or have worked at one in the past. I've done it, holding different positions and seeing it all come together from different angles, and I know it's not an easy job.
In my opinion, front desk agents are tremendously underpaid, given the amount of work, knowledge, decision making abilities, emotional and physical toll and offensive guest behavior they have to face.

As a guest, keep in mind what front desk agents "need to have, be and do" on a daily basis, for HOURS. Some may love their job, yet, we all know that too much of a thing is not ideal anyway.

• They need to smile for 8 hours (if not longer), even if they have a headache, cramps, nausea or have already been working for 9 days straight
• They need to be positive for 8 hours (if not longer), even though they know the hotel is fully booked, no rooms are available and they'll have to send you to the hotel across the street for the night
• They should try to get along with all other agents, because management tries to cultivate team spirit and the ones who don't practice it won't get brownie points
• They need to be able to anticipate your needs real fast when you're about 40 feet away from them walking towards the desk
• They need to act as if you're right no matter what nonsense you're telling them
• They need to magically make pool/garden view rooms appear to cater to your persistent wish even if there really are none available
• They need to know about EVERYTHING that goes on in the hotel (restaurant hours, shuttle services, how the business center printer works (!), why the movies on demand are not working, what time the cute bartender starts his shift or why the airline lost your luggage)
• They need to politely deal with guests who yell at them, who think they are stupid, incompetent and incapable of solving their "simple" problem
• They need to endure the fact that, in the guest's view, it's their fault when the AC in the room is not working, because, of course, that agent chose that room for him! (not always the case!)
• They are cursed at by upset, loud, inconvenienced guests, they are hit on by drunk, obnoxious people, they may witness naked people walk across the lobby at night and may have to help escort an almost comatose guest (drunk or drugged) to their room
• They are not a bank (they may cash checks, but this service is limited)
• They may have a lot of power, but when it comes to restaurant bills, please remember to deal with any discrepancies directly with the restaurant manager
• They are most of the time really, really not at any fault if your 2 months pre-blocked room with a King connector facing the lake is taken by another guest
• They are trained to do their job, but remember that not all establishments provide the same type of training for the same time duration
• They have managers who not always stand by them. Remember, this is one of the worst things that can happen to you at work.

I know there are people who really are "natural" customer service agents. They love it and are great at it. They don't mind the often harsh environment and can actually, consistently have a positive attitude. They love their job and the guest interaction. I wish all agents had this in them. The real picture is painted differently, though. Remember that many agents are transitory in their position, aiming to spend "just some time" at the desk and hopefully move up to a higher position or a different department soon. Some others, are doing this as part of an internship and will be off the front desk in a few months. Some, need a job, and they really see it as just a job that has good extra benefits (hopefully, at least). Others, are starting out in the workplace and are trying out different things that may initially appeal to them, just to realize after a few months, they don't love the front desk so much as they thought.

Next time you stay at a hotel, remember that front desk agents don't have an easy job. You might be a great guest, but the guest just before you, might have made that agent who's serving you, cry.

I learned that empathy goes a long way. Have it. Use it.

Another thing to remember: NEVER think a front desk agent is less knowledgeable, less smart or less important than you are!

Have a wonderful stay!

...and thank you very much!

Be the perfect Hotel Guest!

Knowing how to behave and communicate well while staying at a hotel will help YOU have a better stay! The most important thing to keep in mind is to treat the hotel staff with respect, courtesy and understanding!

CHECKING IN:

• When checking in, always be polite, friendly and communicative. Never be snobby and, please, don't wear your sunglasses unless you actually have eye problems at that time. Eye contact is one of the most important things for a successful interpersonal exchange.
• When checking in, don't ask "I'm a frequent guest here...can I have a Suite?", without familiarizing yourself FIRST with the current and upcoming occupancy of the hotel. You may ask the agent checking you in "Has the hotel been very busy these days?" and get a feel for the situation from there. If you are indeed a frequent guest on a reward system offered by the hotel chain and you have used your reward # for your reservation, stay assured that the best hotels will automatically upgrade you to a suite if it is available.
• Don't flirt with the front desk agent. It is offensive and distracting, and creates a very uncomfortable interaction. It is possible that, depending on how the agent feels about your "flirty jokes", she will leave not so friendly comments about you in your account. Whoever pulls up your account will be able to read her notations about how you behaved at check-in.

YOUR ROOM TYPE:

• IF your choice of room is NOT available, don't lose your temper and curse out the front desk agent. It is probably not her/his fault at all. Rooms are, most of the time, allocated to reservations long before your check-in time, and there are certain supervisors or controllers who are in charge of this. Losing your temper will NOT get you brownie points with anybody at the Front Desk, and you might end up NOT receiving any of your desired compensation (may this be free tickets to the shuttle to downtown, complimentary room service, a discounted rate, extra points on your rewards card etc)
• Continuing, if your choice of room is not available, politely express your disappointment, and ask calmly "So, what do you think we can do about it?". Right there, the agent will understand your request for "something to be done", and will most likely give you options. Remember, however, for your future stays, call the hotel the day prior to your arrival, and confirm the room type you had requested. Explain to the agent on the line how important it is for you to have this type of room, and ask, always politely and very friendly, continuously repeating the agent's name on the phone while talking to her/him, if she/he could leave a note on your account for other agents to honour your room request (that means, not to move you/your reservation to another type of room).
• IF the above mentioned step did not work out for you, know that there are situations beyond control of the Front Desk staff that could sometimes negatively affect other guests coming in (a group postponing their check-out, for example, will inevitably affect the room inventory somehow).

POST CHECK-IN DUTIES:

• Remember your front desk agent's name and if you had a bellman escort you and your luggage to the room, remember his name as well. Try to establish a relationship with them, so that you become their guest. Throughout your stay, talk to them, ask them questions, and ask them for help if you need it. They will appreciate you trusting them and coming to them for help, and will be glad to offer you the best service. Tips are greatly appreciated (and, may I share my opinion, you should always tip good service), especially by valet-parking and bell stand staff. Front desk agents are not used to being tipped, but a "monetary gift" as a thank you on your day of checking out will never be forgotten.
• Recognition goes a long way, and if you have 2 minutes (just 2 minutes!), fill out a guest comment card, acknowledging the people who gave you good service. Write down your name, contact information, and KNOW that these positive comments have a tremendous positive impact on hotel staff. They are read by management, and they are shared with other employees. It definitely helps ensure good service for other guests too!