Table Etiquette: Seating your guests

The Holiday season is almost here, and while it is not here yet, you are probably planning and running through your mind what you will be doing this year.
Are you hosting a festive dinner this year? Are you attending one?
In the U.S.A., we celebrate Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November. A very traditional holiday, Thanksgiving tends to bring family and even close friends together. Homes are filled with delicious home-cooking smells from the kitchen, where turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes etc are enthusiastically prepared for Thanksgiving Dinner.
(In my family, we add to this white rice, black beans, yucca and sweet plantains, but that is a whole different story. Needless to say, we barely have any space on the the table for all the delicious food: a Cuban-Brazilian influenced Thanksgiving! Very yummy, indeed!)

Let's say you are hosting a Holiday Dinner this year. You already know who is attending, and you have a nice mix of friends, family and different age groups. You have a total of 12 people, including yourself.

Decorate your table as you wish, prepare all the delicious food you decided for your menu, and think of how your guests will be seated.
Here is an important reason for that:

The flow of conversation needs to be kept up in order to allow for a pleasant, unforgettable and entertaining dinner.

You want to seat your guests strategically. In this case, let's say you are hosting a rather casual dinner, you don't need to have a "guest of honour" in mind. If you do, though, the "guest of honour" will be seated to your right. The person 2nd in rank, let's say the "guest of honour's" spouse, will be seated to your left.

That's right. There is NO need to seat married couples side by side. In fact, it is desirable NOT to seat them side by side. One reason being, it is assumed that married couples engage in daily conversations anyway, so that it is much more strategic to seat people, who don't have this chance, side by side and across from each other.

Engaged couples, however, protocol dictates, should be seated side by side.

Think of the strong communicators of the group and spread them out. Don't have your quiet guests grouped on one side of the table and your chit-chatters all together on the other one.

You may choose if you, as the host, want to sit at one of the table's ends or right in the middle. Once you pick your spot, prior to dinner (name cards are a nice touch and guide your guests to their seats, easily! I strongly encourage their use!), take some time to think where your guests will sit.

• Split up married couples
• Follow the lady-gentleman-lady order, allowing for different genders to interact
• Split up the talkers and the listeners to allow for better communication flow
• Keep engaged couples sitting side by side

Etiquette, in my opinion, should not be regarded as a set "book of rules". You need to adapt. Here's when you adapt to situations by adapting the rules:

• Keep in mind guests who may not be proficient in the main language spoken that evening
• Keep in mind guests who "need" to sit together like a child and its mother, an older couple or someone who needs assistance while dining
• Keep in mind a very special request from your guest: "Can I please sit next to her?"

Designing a seating chart may take time and may sometimes be looked at as almost a science! Think of all the variables you need to consider, correct?

But keep in mind always, you want to allow your guests to feel comfortable, engaged in nice conversation, happy and glad they attended your event. Make it memorable for them.

In a next post, I will comment on choosing the right people for the right event. Not always do we have the chance to choose just certain people who will really "add to the mix". Sometimes, we can't. However, sometimes we can. We'll talk about this next time.

Do YOU do THIS? Please, don't!

A short post to remind you NOT to do these following things, EVER:

While talking to someone, DON'T text message or check e-mails on your phone, no matter how fast a typer you are or how quickly you want to browse your e-mails. If you MUST send/check a text message or e-mail, excuse yourself first, and then do it. You can't share attention even though you might think it's possible. No, it's rude and shows disrespect.

Avoid at all costs talking to others next to/around you while talking on the phone. I don't care if it's a pet, a baby, another friend, your spouse or someone on Skype. If we are speaking on the phone, I'm doing so for a reason, and I'll expect you to speak with me, and not share the time with others next to you while "I'm patiently waiting" and wondering why you are interrupting our conversation. Again, if you must talk to someone, a pet, a child, anybody else while talking on the phone, EXCUSE yourself 1st. It's about good manners and consideration.

Online bullying is a waste of time. If you have a problem with someone, please address it in person and put an end to the "drama". Why would you waste your time and your energy in being negative and achieving nothing, really? If you are the bullied one, move on by ignoring the comments. Bullying should only affect you if you actually believe some of it that is being said is actually true. For example, if someone tells me "I think your freckles are ugly!", it wouldn't affect me at all, because I know it's not true: I don't even have freckles!! ....just a note, I think freckles are actually a super nice touch!

Fast casual restaurants (Panera, Crispers, a mall's food court...) or fast-food restaurants require you to participate in the service encounter. You are to clean up after yourself, no matter what. Don't make a fool of yourself by leaving your table dirty and not pushing your chairs back in/under the table (if they move). If you spill something, wipe it or ask for help. You are a co-producer of the service encounter. Act smart!

Never pick your teeth/clean your teeth at the table. Reserve this personal moment for the restroom, please, even if you are dining alone. Also, don't use your tongue to "clean up" in there. If something is bothering you, excuse yourself and visit the restroom. Don't take too long, as you should always avoid leaving the table while dining with others.

Be a partner in your service encounter!

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about a few things front desk agents at a hotel go through emotionally and physically while working. It's not an easy job, and in my opinion, they are tremendously underpaid for the huge responsibility (that of providing excellent service and being the company's ambassador at all times, amongst other duties, of course.) they carry each and every day.

It is part of my wish to help customers and guests better understand their service provider, so that they too, can partner up in order to achieve a successful and very positive service encounter.

A customer service agent, whether sitting at a desk answering phone calls, helping customers exchange unwanted merchandise, checking guests in and out of a hotel or arranging dinner reservations "even if it is not his real job", constantly goes through emotion regulation.

In a negative scenario, emotion regulation will dictate how employees react to situations right there when they are interacting with their guest/customer. They have a choice of reacting in a fake way, a choice of retrieving from the negative encounter or a choice of deeply feeling what the customer is going through. Not all customer service agents act in the same way, and this may not even have to do with the company policies they abide to. It could be related to culture as well.

When customer service agents fake their feelings, they are "surface acting". They want to fix the situation, but don't really care deep inside. They could smile often and say empathetic things to ease the frustration of the guest ("I know how you feel, Mr. Schmidt..."), but they are faking because they don't feel the connection, may think the customer is exaggerating, have their thoughts set at something else, yet, this is their job. There is no authenticity in their smile. This frustrates the customer as well and is not "healthy" for the employee.

On the other hand, customer service agents who are well trained are able to engage in "deep acting", creating a strong connection with the feelings and frustrations the customer is feeling. The agent appears very authentic, because, in a way, the empathy feeling exists. They might not have gone through the same issue, yet, they are able to replay in their minds situations that have triggered them to feel very similar feelings and these feelings are brought alive through "deep acting". "Deep acting" is far more effective than "surface acting" when interacting with upset customers. And yes, it is what it is: acting with real feelings.

Don't think customer service agents are there just to do their jobs and act. Many of them have a true passion for serving others, and while sometimes they might not feel the emotional connection with an upset customer, they are able to regulate their emotions in a way to develop this common feeling and better deal with the situation. If you manage customer service agents, you are lucky to have true passionate employees on your team. They exist!

"Deep acting" has also shown to be a far better manager of burnout, absenteeism and job satisfaction for customer service employees.

Other employees simply avoid the situation and call their supervisor or manager, especially if they are not given a lot of autonomy on the job. This (lack of autonomy and avoidance), however, in my opinion, does not foster job satisfaction.

So, why do I write about this?
I believe that as part of a pleasant, effective interpersonal exchange, people need to better understand how their service providers work and think. What can you, as a customer, do with this information? Understand and regulate your emotions as well. Be a partner in the service encounter. Help the agent engage in "deep acting". It will pay off.

How do you engage in deep acting?
Recall a situation and re-live the feelings that were brought along with the situation. Pick a situation that suits the event. Is the customer really upset seeming very disappointed? When were you last so upset and disappointed that you promised yourself never to walk into that store again? Feel that feeling and apply it to the service encounter.

As a manager, look deeper into emotion regulation and "deep acting" for your employees. Be a transformational leader more than a "numbers and rules" leader.

Communication is so important, yet, we fail to acknowledge it and understand the dimensions that can make it more efficient and meaningful!

Your Business Card

Today I received a question related to the contents of a business card. The person who asked me the question is currently enrolled in an international gastronomic institution, and, being a student yet meeting many different people, her main concern was "What should my business card say?".

Below are some of my ideas on Business Cards:

• Business Cards represent you. If you are lucky enough to be able to create your own, keep this is mind. Therefore, they can aid or harm your personal branding efforts.
• Business Cards may be printed on both sides, but one side should contain all the main contact information, while the other side can have a design, a quote or your business logo. Don't make the receiver have to switch sides all the time, possibly overlooking important information.
• Business Cards should have a professional look. They should follow the standard business card size, so that people may easily store them in card holders, wallets etc. They should be printed on high quality stock. This is NOT where you want to save money. Save money on other things, but not on something that so heavily represents you and/or your business. You want to make the best of impressions, regardless of what you do or whom you work for.
• Business Cards should only contain web site addresses if there is a way of contacting you through the web site. This means, business cards are not advertising cards. They are a representation of who you are, what you do and how you can be contacted.
• While online social networks are "in" and (I believe) here to stay, I would not include "find me on Twitter!" or ""I'm on Facebook!" on the card. This is almost a given, if you own your own business or are eager to network with people. Tell people instead, should they ask about your online presence. Also, instead, include these directly on your web site or your blog. You may only include your blog address if your blog represents what you do and has your contact information on it as well. If it's a personal/family blog, I would not include it in the business card. Again, you are creating and/or maintaining a professional image here.
• Some people may choose to carry 2 or even 3 Business Cards! People who travel internationally, may have their business cards printed exactly the same way but in different languages! This is a great idea! Other people, may prefer to have a professional card and a "social card". The issue I find with this, is the following (an you may disagree!): When a friend passes your social card on to a potential future employer, for example, meaning nothing but good ("Oh, you should meet my friend Carla! She is a wonderful freelance writer and so creative. She speaks 3 languages and travels all over the world!"), the business owner and editor of that cool magazine obtains Carla's contact info through her friend and the card is very casual: It has a too casual e-mail address (pretty_writerbabe1985 @ funmail.com, as an example), no clear statement of what she does, just her name and a sentence below which says "Living free with an open mind!", it has her personal blog address, Twitter information and 2 overlapping head shots of her at the beach and in the snow. Fun card, but it doesn't transmit professionalism. Your friend was trying to help her out by referring her to a potential freelance position, however, all she had was her "social card" that was passed on to friends, new friends and social acquaintances. Keep in mind, you never know where it could end up, and that's why I would rather have only 1 card that transmits the idea of who I am, what I do and how I can be contacted in a simple, professional way for everybody.

Business Cards are a personal choice, and you are the one who will actually decide what goes on it (if your company doesn't provide you with one or if you are self-employed). The tips above are my opinions on how to keep business cards professional and straight to the point for all receivers.

The most important information on your business card includes the following:

• Your name as you want to be known by.
• Your title (my next Blog post will be entirely on "titles" for business cards - coming soon!)
• Your complete mailing address or physical business address
• Your contact telephone number and fax number (if you have one)
• Your e-mail address (if you are a business owner, PLEASE, do NOT use a gmail/hotmail/yahoo etc address. You need to have a professional domain for your email. I have free emails and love using them, but not for business. If you are not a business owner, but a student, use your institution's/school's email address. If this is not available, and that's the only excuse I find, create a professional free email account with your 1st and last name, and not any cute nicknames and numbers, in case you cannot afford to buy your own domain)
• Your web site address (if you can be contacted through it)
• Your company's/ institution's name (and logo)

In the example of the person sending me her question: This is what I would do:

Julie Sousa

International Gastronomy Student

ABC School of Gastronomy

123 School Street, Famous City, Famous Country

Tel.: 123-456-7890 (this should be your cell phone, and watch now for your voice mail greeting and ring tone)

E-mail: julie.sousa @ gastronomyschool.com

Blog: TheGastronomyIJournal.blogABC . com

When your guests misbehave

First of all, I must say:
It is not your fault if your own guests misbehave at a restaurant. Unfortunately, we cannot be responsible for adults' actions.

Here is the setting:
The host invited a group of about 10 to have dinner at a friend's restaurant. She planned it with care and made sure all guests' needs could be met during dinner. One of the guests decided to invite 2 friends to attend as well. The hostess welcomed the additional guests, 2 ladies.
The restaurant: a Colombian owned restaurant, specializing in South-American cuisine, featuring Colombian music, decor and on that specific evening, also a late Karaoke entertainment event.
The guests: Some were of Hispanic descent and some were not. The 2 additional guests spoke English and no Spanish, and were not familiar with Colombian cuisine, atmosphere and the "Latin touch".

What happened:
Upon arrival (a rather late arrival), the 2 ladies approach the table, greet everybody, and start giggling and whispering to one another. After taking their seats, they decide to use the table's paper napkins to write notes and pass it around the table to some people (No, the ladies were not young teenagers. They could have been teenagers' mothers maybe). The hostess spots the behavior and actually gets to read one of the notes. It said: "WTF, all Spanish here?!"

The response:
The hostess felt embarrassed and very uncomfortable. The table was displaying a large amount of handwritten notes on paper napkins, and even the owner, once approaching the table to greet the guests, noticed the pile of written communication laying around.
The hostess made sure the 2 ladies had a menu with English translation and asked if they needed any suggestions. She tried accommodating their needs but their behavior was getting her really, really upset and embarrassed. She even apologized to her friend, the restaurant's owner.

My response:
A few days later, after hearing about the incident, I felt bad. It is so sad that adults can behave in such manner. I immediately told her "It is not your fault!. You can only feel sorry for them, as the event has passed and they ended up leaving a very bad impression on you, on the restaurant staff and other guests at the table."
What would you do in such a situation?
I would keep in mind they are my guests, but I would also keep in mind they are probably embarrassing themselves and others. The most appropriate response to this situation would be to address them, engage them in conversation, ASK them questions and offer help. Deviating their attention from their own actions could change their focus. If they see you reading one of the notes, you can diplomatically make a comment like "Oh, this must be your first time here! We admire the quality of service and of the food they serve. It's a great way to learn more about the Colombian culture. They are wonderful people!" Smile when you say that, be sincere, not snippy, and look them in the eyes. Your goal is to appease the situation, and not make it worse for anybody. You are the hostess, and as a hostess, sometimes, we have to deal with guests who misbehave. Unfortunately.

No matter what, always be a class-act!

Stand Out by going back to the Basics!

Oh, how we get caught in our daily thoughts, busy schedules, trying to multitask and satisfy different people at once. Hopefully, not forgetting about our own needs as well!

I really prefer not to stay away from My Blog for so long. It was inevitable, though. Let me explain.

Vacation time came around, and as part of a well-balanced life, we all need a break. The wonderful event of two friends getting married abroad a cruise ship leaving to the Bahamas was just the right vacation we much needed. We enjoyed every moment of this adventure and thank our friends for an amazing time! Following, continuous preparations for the upcoming Orlando Citrus Club Member Business Expo in September have taken quite a bit of time and creative thinking energy out of our daily routine. Nothing to complain, though. The second semester has started out with very good spirits and ideas, and I immediately saw myself strongly involved in aiding another company I love in developing their new brochure and stationary items. (Please note, I am not a graphic designer on top of all! I help with the wording and strategic placement of such).
New clients, networking events and meetings have come along and the semester has a very exciting outlook!

I will briefly write a note on online Social Networks and other online Social Programs available to us. There are plenty, however, the ones I use are Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and although I have an account with Orkut, I might soon delete it.
Do you feel online social networks are taking over our social lives, at some level? I absolutely think YES. To many, it feels like if you are not part of it, you are missing out!

In my opinion, social networks are here to stay and are here to grow day after day. We lose the personal touch of chatting with a friend in person or over the phone. We lose the motivation of writing a real Thank You card on paper or sending out real paper invitations, handwritten, because all can be done online for no cost and so much faster. It's instant! The online social world is powerful.

It's fast, it's real and it's quite efficient.

You plan a party: You create an event on Facebook, and invite your friends to the event. They will know through Facebook that your party is on this day, at that time, and what the theme is. Fast, simple, no real cost associated with it.
You update a friend: You have big news and it's 01:40a.m. Your friend lives across the world, 5h ahead of you, so, you send her a message or a wall post to ensure she receives the big news early in the morning. You don't want to call and wake her up, do you?
Your company is in the news: You Tweet about it on Twitter, letting all of your followers know about the great reviews on your business.

Easy. Fast. Efficient.

BUT (there is always a "but", isn't there?)...

These are the times when you NEED to STAND OUT.

In this era, you WILL stand out by going back to the basics.

YOU WILL STAND OUT BY:

• Calling your friend early in the morning and personally/over the phone, give her your amazing news.
• Writing out real-deal invitations to your party and mailing them to your friends and family.
• Sending a copy of your company article/review to your favorite clients, friends and family, BY MAIL with a handwritten note!
• Writing a post-card to clients, friends and family directly from your vacation spot.
• Sending your friend an update on what's going on in your life in form of a handwritten letter, with pictures you printed out and a fun magazine article you think he/she might enjoy reading.

The Internet world is FAST and EFFICIENT, however, if you want to let people know HOW MUCH you care for the relationship you have with them, invest the TIME and seriously commit to it. I love online social networks, and I am certainly not advocating for people to leave them. I am very active in all I am part of, and dedicate time to it. I enjoy it and see how useful they can be.
But keep in mind as well:

Going back to the basics, right now, will REALLY make you stand out from the crowd.

Your Front Desk Agent at the Hotel

Front Desk Agents have a hard job.

I dedicate this post to all those who currently work at a hotel's front desk or have worked at one in the past. I've done it, holding different positions and seeing it all come together from different angles, and I know it's not an easy job.
In my opinion, front desk agents are tremendously underpaid, given the amount of work, knowledge, decision making abilities, emotional and physical toll and offensive guest behavior they have to face.

As a guest, keep in mind what front desk agents "need to have, be and do" on a daily basis, for HOURS. Some may love their job, yet, we all know that too much of a thing is not ideal anyway.

• They need to smile for 8 hours (if not longer), even if they have a headache, cramps, nausea or have already been working for 9 days straight
• They need to be positive for 8 hours (if not longer), even though they know the hotel is fully booked, no rooms are available and they'll have to send you to the hotel across the street for the night
• They should try to get along with all other agents, because management tries to cultivate team spirit and the ones who don't practice it won't get brownie points
• They need to be able to anticipate your needs real fast when you're about 40 feet away from them walking towards the desk
• They need to act as if you're right no matter what nonsense you're telling them
• They need to magically make pool/garden view rooms appear to cater to your persistent wish even if there really are none available
• They need to know about EVERYTHING that goes on in the hotel (restaurant hours, shuttle services, how the business center printer works (!), why the movies on demand are not working, what time the cute bartender starts his shift or why the airline lost your luggage)
• They need to politely deal with guests who yell at them, who think they are stupid, incompetent and incapable of solving their "simple" problem
• They need to endure the fact that, in the guest's view, it's their fault when the AC in the room is not working, because, of course, that agent chose that room for him! (not always the case!)
• They are cursed at by upset, loud, inconvenienced guests, they are hit on by drunk, obnoxious people, they may witness naked people walk across the lobby at night and may have to help escort an almost comatose guest (drunk or drugged) to their room
• They are not a bank (they may cash checks, but this service is limited)
• They may have a lot of power, but when it comes to restaurant bills, please remember to deal with any discrepancies directly with the restaurant manager
• They are most of the time really, really not at any fault if your 2 months pre-blocked room with a King connector facing the lake is taken by another guest
• They are trained to do their job, but remember that not all establishments provide the same type of training for the same time duration
• They have managers who not always stand by them. Remember, this is one of the worst things that can happen to you at work.

I know there are people who really are "natural" customer service agents. They love it and are great at it. They don't mind the often harsh environment and can actually, consistently have a positive attitude. They love their job and the guest interaction. I wish all agents had this in them. The real picture is painted differently, though. Remember that many agents are transitory in their position, aiming to spend "just some time" at the desk and hopefully move up to a higher position or a different department soon. Some others, are doing this as part of an internship and will be off the front desk in a few months. Some, need a job, and they really see it as just a job that has good extra benefits (hopefully, at least). Others, are starting out in the workplace and are trying out different things that may initially appeal to them, just to realize after a few months, they don't love the front desk so much as they thought.

Next time you stay at a hotel, remember that front desk agents don't have an easy job. You might be a great guest, but the guest just before you, might have made that agent who's serving you, cry.

I learned that empathy goes a long way. Have it. Use it.

Another thing to remember: NEVER think a front desk agent is less knowledgeable, less smart or less important than you are!

Have a wonderful stay!

...and thank you very much!

Be the perfect Hotel Guest!

Knowing how to behave and communicate well while staying at a hotel will help YOU have a better stay! The most important thing to keep in mind is to treat the hotel staff with respect, courtesy and understanding!

CHECKING IN:

• When checking in, always be polite, friendly and communicative. Never be snobby and, please, don't wear your sunglasses unless you actually have eye problems at that time. Eye contact is one of the most important things for a successful interpersonal exchange.
• When checking in, don't ask "I'm a frequent guest here...can I have a Suite?", without familiarizing yourself FIRST with the current and upcoming occupancy of the hotel. You may ask the agent checking you in "Has the hotel been very busy these days?" and get a feel for the situation from there. If you are indeed a frequent guest on a reward system offered by the hotel chain and you have used your reward # for your reservation, stay assured that the best hotels will automatically upgrade you to a suite if it is available.
• Don't flirt with the front desk agent. It is offensive and distracting, and creates a very uncomfortable interaction. It is possible that, depending on how the agent feels about your "flirty jokes", she will leave not so friendly comments about you in your account. Whoever pulls up your account will be able to read her notations about how you behaved at check-in.

YOUR ROOM TYPE:

• IF your choice of room is NOT available, don't lose your temper and curse out the front desk agent. It is probably not her/his fault at all. Rooms are, most of the time, allocated to reservations long before your check-in time, and there are certain supervisors or controllers who are in charge of this. Losing your temper will NOT get you brownie points with anybody at the Front Desk, and you might end up NOT receiving any of your desired compensation (may this be free tickets to the shuttle to downtown, complimentary room service, a discounted rate, extra points on your rewards card etc)
• Continuing, if your choice of room is not available, politely express your disappointment, and ask calmly "So, what do you think we can do about it?". Right there, the agent will understand your request for "something to be done", and will most likely give you options. Remember, however, for your future stays, call the hotel the day prior to your arrival, and confirm the room type you had requested. Explain to the agent on the line how important it is for you to have this type of room, and ask, always politely and very friendly, continuously repeating the agent's name on the phone while talking to her/him, if she/he could leave a note on your account for other agents to honour your room request (that means, not to move you/your reservation to another type of room).
• IF the above mentioned step did not work out for you, know that there are situations beyond control of the Front Desk staff that could sometimes negatively affect other guests coming in (a group postponing their check-out, for example, will inevitably affect the room inventory somehow).

POST CHECK-IN DUTIES:

• Remember your front desk agent's name and if you had a bellman escort you and your luggage to the room, remember his name as well. Try to establish a relationship with them, so that you become their guest. Throughout your stay, talk to them, ask them questions, and ask them for help if you need it. They will appreciate you trusting them and coming to them for help, and will be glad to offer you the best service. Tips are greatly appreciated (and, may I share my opinion, you should always tip good service), especially by valet-parking and bell stand staff. Front desk agents are not used to being tipped, but a "monetary gift" as a thank you on your day of checking out will never be forgotten.
• Recognition goes a long way, and if you have 2 minutes (just 2 minutes!), fill out a guest comment card, acknowledging the people who gave you good service. Write down your name, contact information, and KNOW that these positive comments have a tremendous positive impact on hotel staff. They are read by management, and they are shared with other employees. It definitely helps ensure good service for other guests too!

InternEtiquette - Part III

Oh, online communication is a special thing. A previous post of mine mentioned how important it is to make your words more "visual", so that people cannot only truly understand what you want to tell them, but can also understand HOW you are saying/writing it.

"I cannot believe he would do that!" has a different meaning than "I cannot believe HE would do that!" You see what I mean, right?

Sometimes people believe the Internet is a silent war-zone.
There is no visualization even needed, because the madness in their words says it all.
I am all for kindness and being good, but unfortunately there are people who use the online world for putting others down.
There are curse words, there is anger, there is misery and there are accusations. I have seen it mostly on social media engines, like Facebook, Twitter or MySpace. Envy and jealousy reign in their minds at that moment of "updating a status", "tweeting" or "commenting on someones post", and people take off on a voyage of deliberate insults and profanity.

It only ends up hurting themselves.
Remember what I mentioned about others' perceptions of you. Enough said.

Why? Why would you do that to yourself? Do you really want to show the world how you place so much negative energy on abusing and offending someone "publicly", instead of trying to find a solution?
Keep in mind that the Internet is an open book, and your employer, future employer, potential employer, friends, family, children can all have access to the information you input online on social media engines.

My advice is: Leave the ugly words for very personal encounters only, and only if very, very necessary. I am not in favor of confrontations that create a scene, that have hair-pulling and curse words involved. You can keep all confrontations diplomatic and less painful, always.

• Online, if you are the victim of a social media insult, ignore it. Don't "start a scene" and comment on that certain comment. Don't update your status by confronting back. You'll be the better, bigger person sending the silent message that it didn't affect you. That is all you need to do.


• Online, don't waste your time leaving ugly comments for people. WHY are you not focusing on doing something more productive with your life? Live a better, positive life. You don't need to share with everybody how much you "hate him" or "wish she would quit work and disappear". Do yourself a favor.


• Online, share your worries, concerns and comments with a friend, via e-mail. Keep it as private as possible, and don't post it on social media engines. Sharing and talking is OK, but don't opt for the "open insults" that will actually bring you down instead.

Be Kind.

Feel Good.

When your disorganization trumps your good intentions

Let's be honest: We all have a messy closet, a junk drawer, hidden stashes of "something" or a desk/table where you carry out most of your daily activities. I am right, aren't I? Your office appears neat and clean, but, wait! ...Don't you dare open those upper cabinets! Your bedroom is a model room...if you only looked under the bed! Uff!...OK, maybe if you truly are more organized, maybe you have just a tiny corner in your house, a small box with "items" (yet, you still labeled the box "random things"), a little shelf (a hidden shelf, of course!) that holds a few papers or "stuff". The hidden disorganization. I believe I can live with that!

The reason why I decided to write about disorganization, is because I believe chronic disorganization can ruin our goals. This is so sad. I've seen people giving up because they couldn't find their "to do list" they were working on and after starting a new one, they once again misplace it. I've seen people not going to the gym because they postponed doing their laundry, didn't check detergent was actually missing and had nothing to wear to the gym. Their enthusiasm, so great, was eaten up by disorganization. I've also seen people avoid calling important people, or getting back via e-mail because (and they told me that), they misplaced their contact info! Wow!
I've experienced being silently ignored by someone who had so much, so much in his hands, he couldn't even schedule answering me back in his amazingly busy 24h day. He told me he didn't sleep, so I figured ... "Hey, maybe I have a chance of receiving an e-mail from him, even if it's at 3 a.m. I wouldn't mind!" He couldn't really fit me into his 24h day, and while I move on, my perception of him changed quite a bit.

I wrote a previous post about the following: We live in a society. No matter who we are, who we want to be or what beliefs we have, it is how OTHERS PERCEIVE us that will, partly, influence how successful our social life, our social interactions are. If you come across as a snob, yet you feel you are not one, you are clearly doing something wrong. If you come across as rude, yet you are perplexed to hear that Mary gossiped to Lauren and John about your rude remarks and they all agreed on it, you're certainly doing something wrong! Don't kid yourself. This is serious stuff.

If I interact with you one day, and the next day I meet you say, in your office, you are inviting me in to explore more of who you are. If your office is a mess, a chaotic dump, you are telling me this about you. I might continue to consider you an extremely, friendly, outgoing, fun, capable, knowledgeable person, yet, I will also think of you as messy and disorganized. Will this have a negative impact on my future judgement of you? Maybe.

Chronic disorganization at the workplace, in your Association, in your Club, even at home, sends signals to others that something is not in sync with you. Can we really, really reach full efficiency if our surroundings are messy? Think about it. Do you picture your dream workplace as a messy place? Honestly, I don't think you would. Some would argue that most geniuses were totally disorganized. OK, but are you a genius like Einstein or Galileo? Hm.

I have a few hidden, junk drawers, junk closets and "holds whatever"- cabinets. Both at work and at home. I live peacefully with my mess. I call it organized mess, because it doesn't affect my day, it doesn't affect my goals, it doesn't bother me. Many of us realize the mess, ignore it and literally suffer from the negative effects it has on us, on our goals and possible negative perceptions others can have of us.

If you are doing business where people need to have very positive perceptions of you, re-think your office mess, your mess in your car (picking up a client for lunch?), your mess in your purse (does it take you 15 minutes to locate your business cards?). You have goals to achieve in your social and business interactions, and don't let your messy surroundings ruin them for you!

Effective Networking: It's in YOUR hands!

Effective Networking, whether for business or social purposes is not that easy a task as we might think. It requires quite a bit of work from YOUR part, and it happens in 3 stages: Before, During and After.

If you are about to attend a Networking event that will bring together, let's say, a multitude of business people who conduct business in your area, consider the following:

BEFORE

• Find out who will probably be attending the event. Ask around. Ask the place (a restaurant?) or the Event organizers.
• If someone interesting is expected to attend, and you are planning on meeting them, do your homework on them. Read about what they do, and learn about their latest ventures.
• Make sure you understand the attire suggested, and choose something comfortable, professional, neutral, clean and wrinkle-free.
• Load up on business cards and actually, grab a few from your close business partners/friends to take with you as well. You never know what you'll end up talking about, and maybe someone will ask you if you know any great Doctor, Doggie Daycare, Social Media Expert you trust..and you'll be glad to provide a reference!

DURING

• Don't be shy. If you're too shy to talk to anybody new, don't even go. So, with this said, work on your shyness, and be professionally spontaneous. If you don't know what to say, ask questions! People love talking about what they do, what they like, what they want!
• DON'T eat or drink too much. You're not there for the food and drinks.
• If you do drink, don't hold it in your right hand. Who wants to shake a cold, wet hand anyway?
• Same thing with food: Don't pick your finger food, then quickly eat it, wipe your hand off on your suit jacket and extend your hand for a handshake trying to let out a "Nice to meet you!" while still chewing...Uff!
• Collect business cards and make a mental picture of ALL of them connected to each person. You will need them later!
• Hand out business cards as well, and while doing so, add information about your business, location, new product/service...something that will create a mental connection of you, your business and the business card to the person you're giving the card to.
• Don't stay in one spot. Work the room. Walk around, and look for people who are doing the same thing. Don't jump into a rather closed circle of people already in the middle of a conversation. Create your own circle and bring in people whom you've just met! Introduce them, properly, which will also help you retain their name and business info!

AFTER

• Less than 48h after the event, send out any information you had promised people you would provide them with (an article on wardrobe faux-pas? A great appetizer recipe? Your event list for the Fall?)
• In the same time frame, contact, via e-mail or blog postings (if applicable) how much you enjoyed meeting them and chatting about "abc" with them. Offer your services, your help and hope for future contact. Keep it simple and professional.
• Don't be alarmed if the person NEVER answers back. I know, that's just not only rude, but a pitty. It shows how THEY don't take their networking seriously. Don't cry over it. Move on to those who care.
• Look for additional networking events organized by the same group and different one, and mark them down in your calendar, making plans to attend. Don't attend an event if it conflicts with your own work/presentation/travel plans. Remember, you still have to work, or maybe even, your own business to run.
• Keep a networking event BOOK or LOG! Yes! Write down the date, event name, time, people you've met, follow-ups, relationships built. Keep growing it!

Good luck!
I look forward to reading about your Networking Tips!

Ok, but don't forget to recognize what's GOOD as well!

So far, according to the poll, it seems most people voice their bad service experience directly to management, and/or write a nasty letter (can I assume it would be a nasty letter?) to the owners or corporate office.

Most of us are not looking for monetary compensation, like getting our money back or receiving a free meal on the next visit, but so many times we get something out of it anyways without even asking for it. Our intent, often, is just for someone to listen to what we have to say and rectify the situation, hopefully not letting it happen again!

My husband and I received full compensation for our whole, entire meal (from Appetizer to Dessert and coffee) many, many years ago at McCormick & Schmick's. We received a free sushi roll from our neighborhood Chinese/Japanese Restaurant while ordering for home delivery after our last home delivery had arrived with fewer items than what we had ordered. We also received a "15% off on every visit" from a Barbecue Restaurant, however, have ever since experienced continuous unsatisfactory service that we now simply don't go there anymore that often (even though we have the discount card!).

Now, you might think "these guys eat out a lot, my goodness!" or "they must be heavy complainers!". A little bit of both is true. But our focus is actually on something else:

My husband and I always, and I repeat, always point out good service to our server and to management. We make it a point to express how excellent service was and why it was so good. Both of us, having worked in the hospitality industry, know how important it is for employees and management to recognize top service and success. We believe in how powerful this is.

We believe that while complaining about what's wrong will (hopefully) trigger some changes for the best, pointing out what's RIGHT has an amazing impact on employee morale and on how WE feel. Our contribution of verbally expressing our gratitude for good service goes a long way.

How about shifting our thoughts now to observing and recognizing good service? Maybe we can also turn the nasty letters into amazing compliment letters. To receive a verbal or written compliment from a guest/client, is one of the strongest motivators one can experience at work, positively affecting one's attitude towards people and one's job.

I will write more and more about service, service etiquette and handling service issues, however, this post was intended to remind us all that it IS important to recognize good service. It IS important to let servers and managers know how great service was. Believe wen I say that it DOES make a difference!

NO random Restaurant Talk!..

One of my areas of concentration lies in customer service training. This comprises less of the technical training to do a job as a server, bartender, as a front-desk agent, PBX (phones) agent, concierge, sales person or as a reservations agent, and more of the people skills, communication skills, polished good manners and follow-up skills. These "soft skills" complement the technical training given by supervisors, managers or corporate trainers. I come in to polish it up a bit.

Given the nature of one of my concentrations, I always find myself meticulously observing, silent-commenting and judging service. I mostly do so at hotels and restaurants, because of my previous work experience and industry knowledge and passion for hospitality.

I stopped expecting excellent service (so sad, I know), because that would put me on the streets as a trainer and consultant. No, honestly, I haven't experienced flawless service in a casual dining establishment in a long, long time.

I expect A+ service in fine dining establishments, no questions asked. A few years ago, my husband and I celebrated our Anniversary at Manuel's on the 28th on Downtown's Orange Avenue. The contemporary cuisine was absolutely, flawlessly served by our very knowledgeable, very well trained server. The whole team was in sync with their guests, amazingly anticipating our needs over and over again, only stopping by our table when necessary, knowing how to pause, not interrupting our table conversation. Well, a few years later, I must say I just remembered, my husband and I dined at Antonio's on Sand Lake Road by Dr. Philip's (also Orlando). Service was a delight. Although I would not consider it a fine dining establishment, white linen cloths, serving from the left, waiting until both of us were done to clear our plates from the right, and using a bread crumber before serving our dessert was mirroring the service we received this past Valentine's Day at The Vineyard Grill at the Ritz Carlton Grande Lakes.

Sadly, as I was saying, I don't recall the last time I received excellent service in a casual dining establishment. There is always something to mess it up, I must say.
The other day, my parents and I were about to order lunch in one of Downtown's newest restaurants (very nice place, discriminating decor, interesting, tasty menu items). When asked how the chicken was, the waiter's facial expression (and I am not joking!), was a mix of skepticism with a slight disgust. To finalize his answer he said: "It takes so long to cook, and then when you get it...you're just better off having much better chicken at KFC or so!". Enough said.
At a nice Steakhouse known for having some of the best steaks in the State, while clearing up the dishes from the table, piling them up as much as possible on one of those oval trays, my stepdaughter was nicely splashed with meat sauce. It didn't burn her, but soiled her shirt and pants. A not empathetic "sorry" was delivered so low you could hardly hear it. One might say it was just an accident. perhaps. But accidents can be prevented, and the way he was clearing up the table was not indicative of any preventive measures.
One of my all-time favorites is a very friendly, yet clueless waitress letting us know that "the bread we have now is so hard, that I'll have to put some fresh dough in the oven for you!" Thank you for sharing. We don't want to, we don't need to know about these situations in the back of the house.

A guy I worked with a few years ago, when answering a very upset guest's question why the elevator was still out of order, sarcastically responded "Sir, we also have stairs!"...The guest was staying on the 17th floor...(now, that was at a hotel, not at a restaurant, but you know what I'm talking about. Service is service)

In my opinion, service has become way too casual. The fine, little respectful attitudes are somehow lost in time. We are so often rushed through lunch/dinner, many waiters making a complete wrong assumption that we're in a hurry just because it's lunch time. We are judged by our waitstaff the minute we sit down, I get that, ok, and sometimes you see the pathetic transition of horrible service to nicer and careful service once you tell them you are taking a NY Strip home to your husband and 2 desserts will be to-go as well. Now, I must say, diners (people!) have also been slacking in their manners. Uff, that will be a whole other post, but if you're trying to serve someone who's constantly on the cellphone, loud and obnoxious, disturbing other guests and barely paying attention to you, server, I understand that frustration very well also.

There are two sides to everything, right?
(The restaurants mentioned above are linked to their web sites!)

InternEtiquette - Part II

Good day, everybody! It's a beautiful Saturday morning here in Orlando, Florida!

Continuing the mission of spreading good manners and kindness in our online world, today's focus is on:

• Enhancing your online written communication to avoid possible conflict
• Watching the content you post; mind your readers!

To start, let's have a look at an example: I am writing to you, whether it is via e-mail, instant messenger, blog comments section, Facebook, Orkut or any other social medium: "I think you did the right thing" You probably know what I am making reference to when I write this to you, however, you don't really know how I am telling you this. Am I confident in my words? Am I rather skeptic? Maybe I am happy? Notice that I didn't use punctuation in the sentence on purpose. You don't know how many e-mails I receive with no punctuation. It's almost like a written nightmare. Without punctuation, you run the risk of total misinterpretation. Let's not get into grammar coaching here, but I cannot emphasize enough how important commas, exclamation and question marks or periods are. I was perplexed when a high school counselor e-mailed me an email with no greeting and closing note, and no use of punctuation! Uff! Enhancing your words with adjectives, adverbs punctuation and "visual words" helps your reader understand how you are expressing yourself in your written delivery. It helps your reader "listen to your voice" when he/she reads your mail.

"I honestly think you did the right thing, without a doubt in my mind!" conveys the full idea: What you want to say and how you want to say it.

Instead of replying to an e-mail by writing: "That's a good start. Keep it up.", write: "I think the first ideas you showed in your table are a wonderful way to start the project. It gives it dimension. Keep up the good work you demonstrated in that table and the bullet points below. Let's bring more content to it, though." People can't read what your entire thoughts are, and while assuming is something we just have to do on a daily basis anyway, if you are expecting a 2-way communication to be truly effective, make sure you enhance your written e-mail communication.

Time should never be an issue here. It takes just a few more seconds to add words, explanations, "smiley faces" and question marks. In addition, by taking 1 additional minute to write it out, you'll be saving time later on not having to explain what you meant in the first place.

Once I wrote an e-mail to a training manager. It had about 2 small paragraphs with a few questions and thoughts I had. The answer I received was (and I will never forget my reaction to it): "Call me as soon as you can." Was he upset? Was he in a huge hurry? Was he at least somewhat happy about what I had sent him? I was confused by the too short and almost rude answer. I didn't know what to make of it. On the phone, soon after, our conversation was delightful! Had he sent an enhanced e-mail, he would have been able to communicate with me much more efficiently and avoid any misinterpretation!

Second topic: Watch the content you post! I read a comment someone posted about certain presentations being "so lame". Not only did this person insult all the other classmates who share the same social medium online and who were actually presenting on that day, but the content posted created a "did you see what So&So wrote?!" type of online gossip. Now, that is something we all don't have time for. A friend of mine decided to blog about her "dumb colleagues who think they know it all" and wrote a paragraph about one certain lady. The lady ended up reading it, and my friend's reputation was drastically affected. Negatively, needless to say. She had to apologize by blogging about it. Another one commented on a certain holiday being "so fake and consumption driven" and "a waste and ridiculous", not taking into consideration that others in his own tight circle celebrate it all the way, and love it. What are you trying to do to yourself, I ask? I never advocate against critique, however, it can always be done in a kinder way. There is no doubt about that.

Remember, nothing is ever totally deleted in our world wide web.

InternEtiquette - Part I

A few topics deserve more posts. Like the "Iffy Situations" series that I started, I will dedicate a few posts to, ...let's call it InternEtiquette!

This is a topic hard to tackle due to its complexity. It involves so many aspects, applications, "places", things, words, information, web sites, logos, e-mails, social media, pictures, viruses, privacy, copyright issues,...Uff! But please, note, I am not a lawyer...I will focus on the politeness that is so often forgotten in the online world. My suggestions and advice come entirely from my experience in the Etiquette Business.

My first on the list: E-MAILS!

What I have been noticing:

• People who don't greet others when e-mailing: By leaving out a "Hello, John! How are you today?" you send the message that the content is more important than your manners and respect for others. How do you speak to others on the phone? You greet them first, correct?
• People who don't finish their e-mails with an appropriate closing note: By not saying "Goodbye!", "Have a nice day, and I'll talk to you later!" or "Thank you for your e-mail" you are definitely not considering good manners and god communication. It is like hanging up on somebody via e-mail!
• People who misspell (and not by accident) and use wrong grammar: No excuses here. I only tolerate it when people are using English as their second or third language. If English is your first language, you should never, and I repeat, never, use wrong grammar and spell words incorrectly. It shows lack of care, lack of attention and lack of respect for yourself and others.
• People forwarding your e-mails and e-mail addresses to others without your "permission": Here is a tricky one. I would never wrongly judge my mother for forwarding my e-mails with pictures of my daughter and us to her cousins and best friends! I know she does it out of love. Being far away, e-mail has become one of our main modes of communication. I appreciate my mom and friends caring!However, apparently my personal e-mail address was given out to a lady constantly sending out messages about events that, unfortunately, don't interest me. I don't know her well, but know a few people who know her. You get the idea.
• People not answering your e-mails: Once I wrote about the time management excuse of "I don't have time". Thus, if you don't answer e-mails promptly (urgent ones on the same day and non-urgent ones within 48h, Internet access being available, of course), you are sending out the message that you don't have time for that person's issues, comments, questions etc. You are mostly, however, sending out the message that you have time (of course, we all have time!), but you choose to do with it something else than answering your friend, client, family member. If you have an e-mail account, expect people to e-mail you. Check it daily. Make it a habit! It has become one of the most common and convenient communication modes. If you have one, use it, or people will lose interest in e-mailing you!

These are some of the basic faux-pas of e-mailing that I consider mentioning. I have not gone into content yet. Next time, let's talk about e-mail content and social media! It is amazing, how social media has become part of our lives as people and business people. For now, have a good one, everybody, and I look forward to your comments and questions!

Definitely talk the talk, walk the walk, do as you preach!

Unfortunately, I must say, it has happened quite often that I personally sent an e-mail to someone in the business world, without ever receiving an answer back. Many of them have been compliments and questions, and none of them have been about pitching services. Ever. The most ironic thing is that the majority of my e-mail recipients have clearly stated "E-mail me anytime! I'm here to answer your questions! Or call me!". None of them were celebrities.

Maybe I should have called, because e-mail didn't work.
Some of the people I am referring to are in a business similar to mine. You would think that at least these people apparently practicing good manners would understand the value of contacting someone back when they receive mail.

Hm.

Sometimes we can't contact someone back as soon as we wished, but to let weeks and even months go by is just a shame. Professionals should know better. There is a sense of urgency that is lost, but that can be recovered.

How can you ensure you don't end up in a person's short-term memory, "leave it for later" folder, mails, calls and ultimately "forgot who you were" junk box?

• Persistence
• Social grace
• Content quality
• Added value
• Understanding

Follow up with an e-mail or call if you don't hear from the person after 48h. If you still don't hear anything and you really need to reach the person, you may want to try calling instead of e-mailing. Don't give up, but never push.
Always be friendly, polite, smile when you speak and write, and mind your word choice.
Be straight to the point. If the person is known to be busy, be short and efficient in your communication style. Remember, people like to be associated to those they feel they have something in common with. Your content has to be appealing and self-explanatory as to why you are contacting them.
Offer value to them. I will talk about VALUE in my next post. (think about what it means to you in the meantime).
Understand circumstances change daily, hourly. Understand how you are approaching them, and re-evaluate it. Understand some people, unfortunately, are not good communicators.

Boastful communication

I had the pleasure of meeting a very nice lady today who, after learning about my work, asked me in a whisper: "How do I deal with these Moms who think their baby is the smartest, the cutest, the best, the fastest and just perfect, and verbalize it to the whole world?!"

That is a very valid question. I believe it is common for a loving mother to believe her child is amazing. I know it, because I have a young daughter, and I am completely in love with her.

I told my new friend that the most polite thing to do is to share the enthusiasm of that mother. You can use phrases such as "This is wonderful!" or "It is great she is developing so fast!", but don't feel obliged to hang around for another 10 minutes for more of "My child is the best" type conversation.
You may excuse yourself politley and change rooms, find another friend to chat with or leave, if it applies.

Personally, I think sharing important milestones being reached, such as walking, talking, reading, writing, sleeping over at a friend's house, helping around the house, is a great thing to do.

Bragging about it is not. Bragging usually comes accompanied by arrogance and exaggeration. Implied comparisons and boastful comments contribute to a very uncomfortable and even hostile interaction, whether in person, over the phone or even online. This goes far beyond mothers bragging about their children to others.

This applies to many, many situations we face everyday in our social and in our business lives.

The problem with bragging is that it immeditaley has a negative conotation. Even worse, it can be done in a non-verbal matter as well. While bragging is created through a carefully throught through verbal delivery (words, tone of voice, exclamations), our body posture, facial expressions, looks, arm gestures have a great impact.

Bragging is not healthy and sets us up for disappointment and failure. It secludes us socially and might even create labels around our persona, such as, as mentioned before, arrogant, high maintenance and difficult to be around.

There are tacful ways to let others know about your accomplishments or your child's accomplishments:

• Start by expressing how greatful and happy your are: "I'm so happy today!"
• Have a smile on your face and look the person in the eye (if talking in person)
• Continue with "something happened that really made my day yesterday!..."
• This will trigger interest by the other person
• Tell your story and keep it very short and simple "Susie was given a little award for demosntrating great behavior in school! I was truly touched!"
• You are not saying words/phrases such as "best", "perfect", "I knew it", "She is the best in there anyways", "My little girl is so perfect" or "She's just above average in all she does" - You don't need to comment on the story. Tell the story and that's it. Let the other person share with comments and questions.

If you are on the other end of the conversation and are trying to "control" it a bit (you want to avoid hearing bragging comments), keep it short and simple too. Tell them "That's wonderful!" and when the opportunity arises, change topics.

...By the way, let me change topics and comment about the coffee poll below. Starbucks won! Is that surprising to you?

If I could only remember his name!...

Please know, it is quite common for us to easily forget a person's name, especially if we are meeting many new people at a party, networking event, social gathering or even before a large business meeting. Oftentimes, we feel embarassed to have forgotten someone's name. This may even lead some of us to avoid interacting with the new person we just met, simply because we feel uncomfortable asking for their name again. Morever, the situation may become slightly tighter if the "new person" remembers OUR name...

To ease your pain and help you cross that rough path, there are various methods that help you develop a mindset and capacity to easliy remember names.

One technique that I use and teach my clients is a technique that I developed over time, after reading and trying out many methods. It is called "L-CAR":

LOOK: Look the person in the eyes. Look for specific facial traits. Look at the person's eye color.

CLICK: Take a mental picture of the person's face. Tell yoursefl "click" and tell yourself you want to memorize this face.

ASSOCIATE: Think fast, and mentally associate the new person and her/his name with someone or something that immediately reminds you of him/her. Example: I meet Kate. Kate has a cute nose like my sister's. I will associate Kate with my sister and will place them side by side in my mind.

REPEAT: One of the most important steps: Continuously repeat the person's name during the introduction and short conversation you start with the person. Example: It is a pleasure meeting you, Kate! If you don't mind, I would like to introduce to you my friend John. It is so interesting that both of you come from the same small town, Kate! In a few seconds, you have used her name twice. Now, when introducing John and Kate, you will use it again, and will have more chances of using it immediately after. Repetition and eye contact really will emphasize the mental picture you took and the association you made.

I hope you take the "L-CAR" with you on your business and social gatherings, trips and outings!

Have a wonderful weekend!
Denise

IFFY Situations - Part I

I received a comment/question about how to best handle spills when you are eating out. The question was specifically directed to eating suhi or sashimi, and the situation was described as follows:
You are having lunch or dinner with colleagues and maybe with your boss as well. You are using your japanese chopsticks, and when you are ready to eat your sashimi bite, it slips from the chopsticks, lands into your small dish of soy sauce and creates a splashing sensation where soy sauce is everywhere to find except inside the small sauce dish. Your clothes are stained, and hopefully your white blouse is the only one affected. This was the scenario given in the post.

So, what do you do?

There are a few important things to KNOW, no matter how bad the situation seems to be:

• While you are now the center of all attention, you don't want to further nurture this.
• This means, take care of the situation fast and be calm about it at all times.
• While you are uncomfortable, others may be too. You don't want to spread it further either. So, don't excuse yourself 10 times or tell the story over and over again once you're back at the office.
• Try to involve the least amount of people possible. You and the waiter will suffice.
• It is NOT the end of the world. It can happen to anyone. Calm down. You will survive.

You may want to use your napkin to help clean as much as possible, at the same time, signaling to the waiter to come. Ask the waiter for a new napkin, and expect the waiter to clean up your area (wipe it, replace plates, bowls etc). There is no need to announce "Oh, my goodness, I'm so clumsy! I'm sorry, everybody! Oh, my! Did I get it on you too? This is horrible!!". There is no need to say any of that. Excuse yourself from the table once and clean up a bit more in the restroom (make it quick). Come back to your clean seat, put on your jacket if you have one (by the way, your jacket should be on regardless), and continue with lunch/dinner as if nothing happened. There is no need to dwell on it and comment on what a horrific spilling you created. For the others accompanying you, nobody has to ask "Are you ok?" or "Did you get it all off?". The best way is to forget about it and keep on with lunch/dinner.

For the future, analyze the situation before you are even part of it:

• Order "easy food" when eating out with colleagues and managers, especially if you are not 100% familiar with the food and/or utensils.
• Dress for the occasion so that you are prepared. Avoid wearing light colors that can easily show stains or dirt.
• If you have a history of "spilling", be prepared and, yes, have a perfectly ironed shirt/blouse or another jacket at work or in your car.
• If it happens to a colleague, don't comment on it or ask questions like "Can I help?" and "Oh, here, take my napkin too!" (big no-no!). The person wants everybody to forget about it as soon as possible!

Bon apetit!

The Dating ABC

The Dating ABC can certainly be applied to relationships of all kinds, not necessarily just dating. Have a look!

Always smile
Be polite
Compliment with care
Don't try too hard
Expect reality
Find a common ground
Give in order to receive
Honor your own needs
I will keep an open mind
Jealousy - reevaluate it
Keep communicating
Listen carefully
Mind your manners
Never lie
Obstacles are normal
Persist if you believe
Quality is better than quantity
Resist temptation
Settle differences early on
Trade loneliness for companionship
Utilize your intuition
Visualize what you really want
Welcome change
X: Meet you at the X-roads
You can be happy
Zenith: achieve it in all senses

(c) 2009 INTERNATIONAL ETIQUETTE SOLUTIONS, INC.